What comes next for me?

Sorting out the details of my life

About Me… August 3, 2011


You can call me Merimnao (or Meri).  Nope, that is not my real name.  However, it is an appropriate label for me in this setting.

At some point in my past, I heard reference to a word in the ancient Greek language that means “to be anxious” or “to be troubled with cares.”  I also found a few additional definitions, including “to care for, look out for (a thing),” “to seek to promote one’s interests,” and “caring or providing for.”  These fit.

For most of my adult life (and probably even longer!), I have been an anxious person and a planner.  I want to know what is going to happen, when it is going to happen, and what I can do to prepare myself and my environment in order for it to happen exactly as expected.  Unfortunately this doesn’t always work out.  Much to my frustration, I am not able to predict all of the last minute changes that will arise, the game changing moments that will throw my plans out the window and leave me scrambling to catch up.  There are far too many things in this world that are unknown and about which I just have to adopt a wait-and-see attitude before making plans around them.  Don’t even get me started on how difficult it is to plan my own life when there are so many other people involved, each with his/her own plan or lack thereof.  It’s impossible to straighten out my future when there are so many factors working against me!

…and this is where I need to learn to take a breath.  To let go.  To let things happen as they will, planning what I can but just going along with what I cannot.

Although I am doing my best to embrace life as it comes, I am afraid I will always be an anxious being, wondering what lies ahead and trying desperately to control it somehow.

You can call me Merimnao. 


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